they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
