is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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