Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
