It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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