I hate all girls vehemently.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize