I puked a lego.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
