I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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