Who wears a wallet chain?!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
