This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
