I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
pray to the hookup gods
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
