apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize