the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
