the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
