I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
