Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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