Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
