Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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