so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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