My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
