I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
