some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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