I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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