Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
