I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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