Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
