We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
