ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
