I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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