yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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