we have pet lesbian snakes
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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