Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
