omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
