i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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