life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
