I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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