Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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