i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
