I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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