he puts the penis in happiness.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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