He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
