just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
