September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
