i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm really busy with my period
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