At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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