and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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