I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
