she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
