Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
