im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
