your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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