I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am one with the molecules
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize