I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I checked into jail on foursquare
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
