first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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