The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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