im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
