I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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