She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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