I think I won the penis lottery.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
