the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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