You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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