Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
